Lately I've been feeling like a fly caught in a spider's web. Since May of this year I have been the primary caregiver for my Mom who is 79. It seems like an eternity ago that she was living alone in her home with her dog.
She almost died. The marvels of the medical world brought her back after a month in the hospital and a month in the nursing home. If anyone is familiar with Staph infection you know the damage it does if it doesn't kill you. Mom has a damaged and badly leaking heart valve as a result. This infection also crept into her eye. A procedure in the first few days in the hospital saved the eye but a difficult cataract surgery will be done after she has the heart valve replacement surgery on Oct. 8th.
I really never thought when this all began that I'd see her being able to live on her own again. Now, there is hope. But we need to make a change. She lives rather secluded in a wooded area too far for me to travel to on a daily basis. She wants to make the change. We have begun the process of putting her house on the market and finding her a safe and more suitable home for her future.
I started this blog as part of a dream I had to venture into something creative, exciting and as a way to connect with other rug hookers, artists, people around the globe. Sometimes I'm not sure which direction my blog is going. I know it has been a wonderful place for me to go when I feel like I can't take one more day of Dr's appointments, waiting rooms, hospitals, screw-ups, sick people, my own fears, anxiety..........oohhhhhh....this web feels like it's completely wrapped around me.......I have to quit fighting it. I need to slow down and really feel this web. It is silky smooth, strong, and so very fine. How can it hold that huge bumble bee I saw hanging in it today?
It just does. It's a beautiful thing. I can focus on the positives, the things I've learned, through all these struggles of late. They support me. Whatever comes next, I know I can make it. I feel so fragile, yet I feel strong.
Thank-you for listening today. I hope to be posting again soon. I have to take it one day at a time right now.
(My wonderful supportive hubby took that beautiful photo of the spiders web while walking through the woods the other day. Please click on it to see all the fabulous detail in that spider's web.) I have to add though, spiders really creep me out!
What you are describing is how I feel almost everyday. The thoughts, fears and anxieties of caring for a seriously ill parent can often makes us feel all alone. But we are not alone.
ReplyDeleteI have come to the point where I just think about 1 day at a time. For most of the time, that is all I can handle. My blog, and others like yours has been a wonderful outlet for my thought. I hope you continue.
Good luck with your Mom, and hang in there.
Kim
Oops I see a spelling error or two but you get the idea! Trying to race to work and didn't proof read
ReplyDeleteYour post today touches home for me. As you know, my mother and I live 1500 kms apart and she wants her independence and still lives on her own.
ReplyDeleteI worry about her everyday but I keep telling myself that she has a right to make her own decisions. Her health is good but she is aging as we all are.
My prayers and thoughts are with you both. I am very glad to have met you via blogging as we not only have our rug hooking interest in common, but our moms.
Blessings always
My father, who is 83, continues to live on his own although he shouldn't. He had open heart surgery this past year and still has not recovered--the heart is fine, but the after effects of the surgery continue to weaken him. This has made him depressed and I hate to see him as he nears the end of his life so lonely and down. It is so very hard, isn't it, when the parent becomes the child? I wish you well as you continue to love and care for your mother.
ReplyDeleteThank-you Kim, Julie and Debra for your kind words and prayers. I find it so comforting to share my thoughts and feelings about what I'm going through with others who completely understand. We all want the best for our elderly parents and it's rough sometimes to give the help they need while keeping our own lives going. Thank-you again for caring and reading my rambling blog! Please keep us posted how it's going with your parents also! Blessings, Cathy
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you and your Mom. I lost my Mom 8 years ago and still feel the loss every day. She said she never wanted to go into a nursing home and when she got ill I had no choice but to tell her she had to go into one until she was well enough to be on her own again.. or she could move across country and live with me but I have to work every day and we would need care takers to help out..Well she got her wish and went peacefully in the hospital before I could move her anywhere. I hope your road with you Mom smooths out some for both of you.
ReplyDeleteCathy, thanks for the tip on that book. I'm going to look for a copy this weekend.
ReplyDeleteKim